I have a question, which has been bugging me for a long time. I give up all desires. Desire for fame, wealth etc. I am not a realised soul. The only thing left is total surrender to MAA. I do not want anything. Now I wonder at times what am I living for? Since I do not follow Vedanta or Advaita I do not seek self-realisation.
I am at peace. But you should realise that peace can be very boring. Should I take Vanaprastha and retire to a secluded place. Why not take jalasamadhi at Rudraprayag and end it all?
Someone may suggest service to humanity. There is politics and ego clashes in service/religious organizations and ashrams. Even postings on the internet leads to ego clashes. I do not want to knowingly or unknowingly hurt anyone's ego. That is why I have cut off all contacts with humans except my family.
My reading of the books on Hinduism made me understand that I should give up all desires. The ultimate object is to give up even the desire for God-realisation. O.K. Then what? Take Sannyasa and become a wandering monk or wander into the beautiful Himalayas where MAA lives? Why a wandering monk? Because even in Ashrams of Sannyasins there are ego clashes.
When you progress in your God-realisation or spirituality the desires will leave you. Bht by giving up desires you do not become spiritual. It could be Vairagya or Virakthi. Vairagya does not give you Jnana automatically.
What do you think?
Jai MAA KAALI !!!